Herbal Health

Coming too slowly. Some men just cannot let go. They want to, they try to and although it seems as if they almost will, often they just cannot reach orgasm. Such men thrust away for ages, perfectly erect, feeling aroused and heading for climax, but something keeps inhibiting them.

While drugs or illness may cause retarded ejaculation, in most men it is usually caused by a mental block of emotional issues strong enough to inhibit the ejaculatory reflex.

There are different degrees of retardation. In extreme cases, the man cannot ejaculate at all. In less severe cases, he can manage during solo masturbation or mutual stimulation but not during penetration.

Retarded ejaculation should not be confused with ‘ejaculatory fatigue’, which occurs predominantly in younger men who have intercourse several times in quick succession. Their erectile power is greater than their ejaculatory capacity, and after a while ejaculation lags behind and may eventually stop (for that session, at least).

Retarded ejaculation is also different from ‘retrograde ejaculation’, which occurs when the man ejaculates backwards into his bladder. This condition may result from prostate surgery, nerve damage, illness or drugs. Sometimes it can be rectified with surgery.

Retarded ejaculation is not a widespread problem, and less than 5 per cent of men suffer from it. It is most common in older men and often causes considerable anxiety. Their partners are usually older, too, and because of vaginal changes caused by menopause they cannot endure prolonged intercourse. The man ends up frustrated and the woman sore.

Female partners respond to retarded ejaculation in different ways. Although some say they enjoy it, many feel upset and suggest the man seek treatment. Other women never know. The man fakes orgasm, and if the woman is not experienced she might not realize there has been no ejaculation. The skin deep inside the vagina is not sensitive, and from internal sensations alone, most women cannot tell if the man has ejaculated. The faking is exposed when fertility is an issue because, of course, without ejaculation the woman cannot become pregnant.

Religious men often suffer from retarded ejaculation. Their entire lives they have been instructed not to masturbate, not to ‘spill seed’. Over the years, through strict control, they hold back, and eventually this becomes a learnt response. (Many of these religious rules date from the days when males married in their teens and restraint was not such a burden.) When the activity finally becomes legitimate, some religious men find they cannot let go. The old control still operates. They may need help to let go of this response.

Retarded ejaculation is not the same as ‘partial ejaculation’, which happens when men ejaculate but feel no pleasurable orgastic sensations. Instead of semen being ejected in spurts, it oozes or dribbles out. It is also different to ‘ejaculatory anaesthesia’, where there is normal ejection of semen but no orgastic pleasure.

Men may also experience normal ejaculation and pleasurable sensations, but their experience is marred by painful cramping during or after discharge. These men have ‘post-ejaculatory pain syndrome’. The pain can last from less than a minute to four hours and discourages some men from ejaculating. Again, this is not the same as retarded ejaculation.

With retarded ejaculation, the first thing to do is determine whether it has a medical cause – whether it is the result of drugs or illness. If not, the psychological issues need to be explored. Commonly, a man suffering from retarded ejaculation is found to be angry, angry against women and angry in general. They could be raging against things that happened in childhood, about their sexual education or about their mothers. They may be harbouring guilt about sexual pleasure due to early prohibitions or be experiencing difficulties with present partners. Or maybe women terrify them. It is possible to acknowledge this anger and, without entering into counselling, adopt a systematic desensitisation program.

One such program for men who cannot ejaculate on penetration might begin with the woman on the bed and the man sitting on a chair outside the room, masturbating behind a closed door. The next time he brings the chair inside and does the exercise with his back to her. Gradually, over several weeks, he gets closer and closer until he is sitting between her legs and can finally ejaculate during penetration.

This type of program is successful in more than 70 per cent of men whose problem is not being able to ejaculate during intercourse. Difficulties may arise if the man changes partner. However, if psychotherapy or sexual counselling is combined with the program, the transfer to a new partner is likely to be more successful. If behavioural therapy is unsuccessful, the problem may be treated with drugs.

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Tags: Women’s Health

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 24th, 2009 at 4:43 am and is filed under Women's Health. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.