Herbal Health

Some individuals misuse intercourse, or rather, copulation. Some men, for example, whether married or unmarried, seek sex with almost any woman, to prove their virility, attractiveness, potency, or to boost their ego. Thus, a company director, might, after a boardroom row in which he felt beaten by the other directors, seek intercourse with any woman in order to restore his

self-esteem. This enables him to function again. A woman prone to depression may seek to ward it off by attracting a man into intercourse, or one with lesbian anxieties may try to prove to herself she is heterosexual by constantly seducing men. Yet other individuals remain fixed in permanent adolescence and do not emotionally mature – their capacity for love is impaired in some way.

Most people, unlike these, are by early adulthood seeking more than just sex in relationships. They genuinely want to love and be loved. The reduction in their obsession with genitality alone may be accompanied by the thought that virtually any penis will go into any vagina so it cannot be all that special. This realisation is a justification for the acquisition of sexual experience and a protection against inappropriate marriage based only on sexual desire and availability.

Of course, all attractions are initially sexual attractions, however unconsciously, but with increasing maturity something more is required and flirtation now is not so much aimed at seduction but at establishing real contact with the individual underneath. Hopefully, with increasing experience, more accurate assessments of the real personality can be made and compatability judged. Personality features, communication, and a capacity for shared happiness become more important than just the physical features mentioned in the last chapter. Hopefully too, romanticism will be kept in the background so as not to obscure the situation. In fact even a degree of scepticism can be healthy. In this way the old adage ‘marry in haste and repent at leisure’ can be proven wrong. The great lesson to learn is that man-woman relationships are between personalities, not between genitals. A good relationship can survive nearly all problems, including genital ones. Happy and unfettered genital expression within the relationship is a considerable assistance but in the last analysis, apart from its reproductive aspect, it is icing on the cake — not the cake itself. Happy sex, if only for a short spell, is possible with many members of the opposite sex but an enduring, happy relationship is possible with far fewer.

So choice and selection based mainly on personality is one secret of success but even if we have learned to be good at selection how much choice do we really have and on what basis should we, or do we, make it?

Some people still regard their choice as very restricted and talk of the one-in-a-million partner, Mr Right (or Miss Right). One expert took the other extreme view when he claimed that 75 per cent of the men and women in the population were good all-purpose spouses and could marry any other and make it work. There is a particle of truth in both views but if the aim is to encourage happy, fulfilling relationships neither is more than part of the answer.

The first problem is how to meet people. Nearly 60 years ago an American researcher found that of 5,000 couples in Philadelphia 17 per cent married someone who lived within one block of each other and almost a third married someone within four blocks. Only a fifth had lived in different cities. Although people travel more widely now, this tendency to marry someone local is still with us. Most people do not look far and still tend to marry individuals they meet at work or in their major leisure pursuit. Apart from explaining the local effect it could be argued that our choice of work and play to some extent reflects our personalities so we are more likely to meet people similar to ourselves there. Two practical points emerge. First, clubs, pubs, discos and such places are not particularly good places to search for a long-term partner, and second, the selection of social recreations in which both sexes indulge, such as tennis, sailing, climbing, dramatics, music etc, and which facilitate an expression of one’s personality are likely to be more fruitful. A further point is that men and women who see each other regularly have a tendency to come to like each other.

With these considerations in mind it can easily be seen that choice is wider for the young, if only because the majority of their peers are unmarried, than it is for older individuals. To maximise choice it is sensible for older people to use bureaux and advertise or respond to advertisements either in the local press, specialist magazines reflecting their interests or, in specialist singles magazines. The notion that such courses of action are ‘infra-dig’ because T should be sufficiently attractive to find a partner myself are self-defeating because the aim is to increase your choice, not simply to find a partner.

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Related Posts:

• GAMES FOR NARCISSISTIC COUPLES – RELATIONSHIPS
• GAMES FOR HYSTERICAL COUPLES – INTRODUCTION
• GAMES FOR PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COUPLES – GAME 4: ROLE REVERSAL (PART 2)
• GAMES FOR BORED COUPLES – GAME 2: SEDUCTION SURPRISE (BY THE HUSBAND) (PART 3)
• JUNK SEX VS LOVING SEX – SEX AND RELATIONSHIP
• SEXUAL ATTRACTION: LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
• LATE ADOLESCENCE
• THE COMPLETE ARTICLES OF LOVE AND SEX: ADOLESCENCE
• THE POTTY TRAINING STAGE (THE ANAL STAGE)
• OUR SEXUAL JOURNEY AS OLDER ADULTS: PHYSICAL CHANGES

Tags: Men’s Health

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